Grief, Your Emotions, and Not Knowing Where To Begin

How can we deal with grief in a way that is healthy and that may actually lead to a transformation of our character and our faith?

The first step is not to minimize our feelings of anger, sadness, and pain.

We may try to push them aside or deny they are even there, but in reality, these feelings are just buried alive and will come out at a time and in a manner that is much more detrimental and explosive than if we had acknowledged them in the first place. We need to own our feelings, express them, and not be ashamed of them.

The next step is to understand and accept our limits.

Contrary to what culture would have us believe, we are not in control. Our lives are seriously limited by our physical body and health, by the family we were born into, by our intellectual capacity, and, most of all, by our spiritual understanding. Men and women in our culture are led to believe that they have control and that they understand everything, but we have to know that some things will remain a mystery. Some things just won’t turn out how you imagined, expected, were encouraged early on that they would. And that’s so unpleasant and uncomfortable to sit with.

Grief is not just the big losses: the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, etc. Grief is also the loss of the life you expected you’d have. The loss of a skill or strength you once had. Even the loss of who you once were.

Once we understand our limits and the fact that loss and death are part of our lives, we can get to work on the most important step: letting our grief bless us.

Did that last sentence just turn your stomach? I know. I get it.

But our grief is there to be a powerful friend. A reminder to ourselves of what matters, what gives life, what offends, what is most important. If we let it, yes, grief can be a blessing and a friend.

So if you find yourself in a life transition or a situation where you are now recognizing the grief that is causing the discomfort, try opening yourself up to the idea of grief counseling. And if you are concerned that you won’t know where to begin in grief counseling - whether for the loss of your whole world, or for the loss of something ambiguous or hidden in the secret places within yourself - remember that your therapist can help you with where to begin.

Your counseling session is your own. You don’t need to feel insecure or pressured to know exactly what you want to talk about right off the bat in counseling. Your therapist can handle whatever it is you want to process and work through, and can even help you define your therapeutic goals.

Or, maybe you’re just feeling strange because you’re not really an external processor but you know you need to process your trauma. We are there to help with that. We can sit with your silence and we are strong enough to hold your labyrinth of thoughts. That’s our job. And it’s a privilege to sit with you in your intimate healing.

Be gentle with yourself and lean into us therapists during your journey.

And PS: I’ve heard from some of our shyer clients that it can help to meet virtually with a therapist because there isn’t as much perceived pressure to fulfill certain social obligations. Maybe try an online session and see if that frees you up a bit. We’ll be ready to greet you on your way in through our doors. Let’s get started.

Taking A Winter

Okay everyone, the holidays have passed, winter is in full swing (well, unless you live in GA and then the weather just does what it wants), and we’re mostly energetically continuing on into this new year with plans for what’s to come - like maybe just trying to make it past Valentine’s Day?

But do you ever feel like during the winter time, it’s just not totally possible to fire on all cylinders, so to speak? Well, you’re not wrong. Or lazy. That’s actually set up in nature to be true…and necessary.  

The process of “surviving a winter” is a natural and important life-process. Think about that: Even the ground in this part of the world takes this time to rest, goes dormant, and prepares for a new beginning once spring begins. Anyone who has ever tried a backyard garden knows that once winter rolls around again, the garden throws up its hands and says “I’m taking a break! See you in 2-3 months!”

Have you ever considered what taking a winter might look like in your life? Or more specifically, what spending a little time focusing on your mental health might do for your overall health? If fact, did you know that mental health is:

• Spiritual health

• Nutritional health

• Hormonal health

• Social health

• Physical health

It’s true. Because all of these things influence a person’s mood and behavior.

Yet, particularly in the Church, we may still be more comfortable discussing all the topics on the list above openly among our Christian peers- more than we are comfortable discussing our mental health. Perhaps it’s because we are scared of what it means to struggle with our thoughts/emotions. We find ourselves delivering the message “you can talk about a mental health struggle, but only to a certain extent. After that [ambiguous] limit, it must be a faith/strength of relationship with Jesus issue and we don’t need to hear about it.” We make it about a flaw that should be easy to correct if our faith was strong enough, rather than accepting that a person can have a health issue and a strong faith at the same time.

When we need a heart doctor, we go. We see a doctor just about once/year! When you need a therapist, go. It doesn’t mean you don’t have the upmost respect and faith in God. It means you DO. It means you respect His words and guidance enough to know that what he says he means. And when we are hurting ourselves (emotionally, physically, overeating, avoiding important things) or hurting others (even unintentionally), we are not living the abundant life that God promises. He would want you to go see a therapist when you need to. He’s a good father and knows you better than you know yourself. And sometimes when we know and love people incredibly intimately, we urge them to take care of themselves because we can see things they might not.

When you need a therapist. Go. It’s of great respect to God’s authority in your life.

Therapy is discipleship.

Let’s talk about…time healing wounds.

Wow! Please celebrate with us our 2023 Impact Report (through November).

Even more beautiful than these numbers and stats are the lives they represent - the ones who courageously decided that generational trauma/pain "ends with me," who decided to pursue personal growth and healing, who worked to stop patterns of inflicting or receiving pain, and who worked to become the best version of themselves.

We’ve heard it our whole lives: “Time heals all wounds.” Just give it time and all will be forgotten.

But the truth is, time isn’t what heals wounds. In fact, this thought process is why unhealed wounds (and sin) trickle down through generations.

You might know it as generational trauma or generational curses, but It’s the perfect and even Biblical example of how time, in fact, does not heal.

Because if we do not do the hard work to be present with our wounds and work toward healing what hurt us, we will continue to pass down that hurt, that parenting style, that shame- onto our spouses, our children, and our other important relationships. That is, of course, If we are capable of having significant, intimate, genuine relationships with people other than our spouse and kids.

This is such an important thing to understand. Time doesn’t heal. Doing the hard, internal, long-term work (and a genuine relationship with our Healer God), is what heals.

Now go get started!

Heal so that your kids don’t have to experience the same wound. Now, at Christmastime is the best time to ready your heart for the anticipation of the healing that will come through a life in Jesus.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

One Million Thank Yous

We cannot THANK YOU enough! Y’all, we did it. God did this.

We reached our $45,000 fundraising goal and we couldn’t have done it without each one of you.

Do you know why we have these fundraisers? We believe that everyone should have the access to the same high quality of mental health care, regardless of income.

What we see so often is: sessions are very expensive, and the mental health care is excellent. But only the affluent can afford these sessions. Or, sessions are paid for my medicaid or they are very reduced rate through a community agency. But the therapists are burnt out and overloaded, and the quality of mental health care just isn’t the same. We want to bridge that gap, and we do so by partnering with the local Church and other faith organizations!

Whether you are working with us in therapy for 6 months or 2.5 years, we will financially support you if you need it. Mental health counseling should not be a luxury item. Mental health is as important as physical health.

Our data shows us that 40% of the clients we serve cannot afford full rate sessions. We don’t only work with clients who need financial assistance, and we don’t only work with those who do not need assistance. That’s the point.

Everyone deserves really good therapy. Our community can come together and make sure that happens.

Let’s talk about…attachment.

Written by: Andrea Paiva, Licensed Associate Professional Counselor

One of the follow up questions I get asked when telling people what I do for a living is “what made you want to get into that?” I normally have a moment of pause and inner dialogue. Hmm…how much should I share? It’s always fun to be two minutes into a conversation with someone new or a big group of people and all of the sudden I am sharing my life’s testimony of inner healing. Truly, I never mind it. It’s a joy to share what God has done. Some variation of how I was someone who lived with hopelessness, depression, anxiety, and low self esteem, and then Christ, along with the community of believers and therapy helped me to heal emotionally and spiritually. I always add, “How could I experience this healing and not share this hope with others?” It’s the greatest joy to walk in my God-given purpose as a mental health counselor.

It’s so like Him to use our greatest areas of suffering and make it into our ministry to others. 

A lot like my own story, healing often happens when we have corrective emotional experiences with others. When the brain has a moment and says, oh, I thought things were this way, but this new experience is allowing me to see things differently. For me, my relationship with God, with the body of believers and with my therapist was pivotal. In the context of counseling, the therapeutic relationship between client and therapist (the attachment) is the greatest predictor of change and healing. To put it plainly, relationships are empowering. Whereas, trauma produces a sense of powerlessness within us. 

1 Corinthians 13:3 highlights the importance of faith, hope and love in our walk with the Lord. These are the very things that trauma steals from people. It distorts the very vision of the person where it’s difficult to see how hope can come in once again. It warps the way we view ourselves, God, others and the world. Trauma seeks to isolate us. In that void, dark and alone, Is the breeding ground for the voices in our head to whisper “You’re all alone,” “Something is wrong with you,” “This is all your fault.” Where trauma paralyzes us, faith, hope and love empower us to move forward. When we are unable to hold that kind of hope, our therapist can, our community can, God can. 

 2 Corinthians 1:4 states, “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 

As therapists, we get to play the role of new attachment figures for our clients. Having experienced the comfort that we receive from God as His children, we get to provide that comfort back to our clients in the context of the therapeutic relationship.

Attachment is a psychology term that means the emotional bond between a human and its parent figure or caregiver; it is developed as a step in establishing a feeling of security and demonstrated by calmness while in the parent's or caregiver's presence.

Unfortunately, not all of us got to experience that kind of attachment from our caregivers growing up.

To some of us, it’s the most foreign thing we could imagine.

 Forming this secure attachment with our clients in their suffering and pouring out the comfort God has given to us is an honor. To sit across from our clients in their most vulnerable moments and hold on to hope when their hope has been shattered makes this really sacred work. The psychology phrase “unconditional positive regard” is one of the skills that makes a therapist great and leads to the best outcomes for their clients. It’s the same unconditional love that God gives us, right in the middle of where we are, no matter what we’ve done, and who we’ve been that is healing. This kind of love says, “I see you, I believe in you and I’m not going anywhere.” This is attachment. This is empowering. Where trauma sought to disempower and discourage, this new relationship between client and therapist has the ability to restore faith, hope and love as God had originally intended in the beginning.

In my own experience, as a therapist who works with trauma, seeing my clients recognize when trauma memories no longer have a hold on them, seeing them no longer live with distorted thoughts of themselves and watching them walk in new found freedom is one of my favorite parts of this work. I couldn’t imagine doing anything else!

Written by: Andrea Paiva, Licensed Associate Professional Counselor

Let’s Talk About…Our Self-Talk

One thing we work on often in therapy is noticing the inner critic, and greeting her with curiosity (I’m using “her” just because it's coming from my point of view. While you read this as a male, change the hers for hims, etc.)

For some, curiosity might sound like asking yourself:

Where is this coming from?

What does she want me to be aware of?

How can I offer grace to myself here?

Criticism feels an awful lot like inner turbulence and may even sound like things you would never say to a friend or loved one.

Things like:

I’m such an idiot, I can’t believe I did that again.

God, I hate myself.

This is why I suck.

This is why no one will ever love me.

Whew.

Could you imagine ever saying these things to someone you love? And certainly if you can, that’s a pretty big indication that that relationship is likely not healthy or safe. That’s pretty big: realizing our self talk can be an indication that our relationship with ourselves may not be healthy or safe. If that’s true, it would make a lot of sense that you may often feel like you’re struggling.

You are the one and only you that you are ever going to have. It’s so important that we speak to ourselves and let our inner dialogue/self talk sound like we are speaking to a friend. No one will be as close to you as you are, so it’s important to make sure that relationship is kind, healthy, and fortified.

Greet yourself, your flaws, your inner critic with curiosity rather than criticism next time and see how that might begin to change the relationship you have with yourself. This adjustment will take time, and it may not feel genuine at the beginning. That’s okay- you’re healing a hurting relationship.

Go slow.

Give grace.

Keep going.

And reach to get started in counseling if you’re looking for help!

Let’s Talk About Anxiety

You know what we love to talk about? Anxiety.

So let’s give that topic a few minutes of our care and attention.

Anxious thoughts, for example, can be seen as trains that come and go through a station. Sometimes we can just stand on the platform and watch the train go by, while other times we may want to get on the train and ride it for a very long time. But we get to decide if we let our train pass or if it stops for a while. This is hard work, but definitely good work if we struggle with anxiety.

Try observing or getting curious about your anxiety rather than getting lost in the experience of your anxiety. Not trying to diagnose the situation or even trying to fix yourself. Just mindfully observing your anxiety in real time.

When your mind has anxious thoughts, it’s just trying to protect you by predicting what could happen. But it’s important to remember that just because something could happen doesn’t mean that it will or that it already has (like when we sometimes believe we can read a person’s mind). So next time you begin noticing your anxiety has paid you a visit again, try observing it with curiosity and then letting your train (the thoughts) pass your station without getting on.

Consider this a little experiment. How did it feel? How long did the anxious feeling last? Did you act on your anxiety or were you able to simply observe it?

Pay attention to what your body is telling you. Where are you holding tension? What sensations do you feel in your body?

Our mind and our bodies are interconnected and they absolutely work together for our good, delivering messages in a variety of different ways. Isn’t that incredible to think about?

For me, the first place I feel sensations is in my chest and stomach. When these two places feel uneasy, I know I need to pay close attention and check in with myself about what I’m worried about or what unpleasant thoughts I’m holding on to.

Our bodies are powerful and they absolutely tell us what they need. When we give ourselves opportunities to slow down and pay attention to them, they often reveal that there’s something more specific going on inside our minds. In fact, this is exactly why meditating does not come easy to most people. Meditating, or clearing your mind and focusing on your breathing or on a specific scripture, almost forces yourself to pay attention to what your body has to say. And often that’s when a person might feel the unpleasant stomach, chest, etc sensations. That’s the body saying “pay attention to me, I have something to say.” And many of us have gotten used to avoiding what our body is telling us because it’s hard to feel it and listen to it.

Try this, lay on your bed and look up at your ceiling. Find a 10-20 minute guided meditation on YouTube and see what comes up for you during this time.  Maybe it’ll be an easy relaxation time for you, or maybe it’ll be a challenge to stick with it for the whole 20 minutes. Either way, it can be a chance to grow and might even reveal something to you that your body wants you to know.

Alexandra Thompson, LCSW

Executive Director

Removing Barriers for Breakthrough

The first time I went to therapy, I didn’t really want to go. A friend of mine was worried about me and had suggested it, but I’d never been before and wasn’t interested. At the time, I lived on campus as an undergrad at Auburn University, and when she posed the question, “would you go to the counseling center on campus?,” my reply came quickly: “No.” To her credit, she offered a follow-up: “Would you go if I helped make the appointment and then I came with you?”

The next day, we met in the parking lot where we hopped in my car. I drove us to the counseling center, I filled out the paperwork, and I went back into the meeting room with the counselor by myself.

As a therapist who often finds himself having conversations about how the church can impact the mental health of individuals and communities, I think about this experience every time someone asks a variation of the question, “How do we help?”

Although there’s no neat or clean answer to that question, the most obvious starting point for me is removing barriers. How do we make it more possible for people to access treatment? How do we come alongside those while they do? How do we care for our own mental health, both in the places we’re hurting and proactively to help us navigate the world around us with the people around us in healthy ways?

That idea, the idea of removing barriers, is why I’m so excited to be writing this as the new Site Director for Cumberland Counseling at Northside Church in Buckhead. Cumberland Counseling Centers is a non-profit that partners with churches to launch and run clinical counseling centers within their walls. That means that a church doesn’t have to hire one therapist, figure out all the logistics of a therapy practice, and then hire more therapists once that first one has too many clients to see in a week. Our model allows for faith communities to provide a trusted referral to licensed clinicians they know, often within the building, along with options for affordable care. Not only that, but churches can provide those things for its own congregants and for the community around it, serving as an essential resource for the well-being of that larger community.

I’m excited for our Buckhead site and how it will grow in the coming months and years: listening to what the surrounding community needs, offering trainings/seminars to provide resources, and (of course) offering clinical counseling that we believe ripples outward from the people in the room to impact everyone they encounter.

But for today, I think back to my friend who researched the hours the counseling center was open. My friend who figured out the steps needed for me to get a first appointment, who didn’t drive (I wanted to), didn’t pay for it (it was covered by tuition), didn’t go into the session (not allowed), but who did ride with me, did sit with me in the waiting room, and did stay in that waiting room the full length of the session, knowing I’d need a friendly face when I came back out. That’s what we’re here to do: to offer high-quality, clinically-trained, as-accessible-as-possible- because-we’ve-removed-as-many- barriers-as-we-can mental health treatment. For you. For your family. For your neighbor. For anyone in our communities that might need it.

Robert Vore, LPC

Buckhead Site Director

Do we even need a month for mental health awareness?

May is Mental Health Awareness month. Do we even need more awareness around this issue anymore?

Yes.

Here’s why. 

Mental health is just as important as:

Spiritual health

Nutritional health

Brain health

Cognitive health 

Hormonal health

Social health

Physical health 

(thank you, Brittany Moses, faith and mental health leader, for this clean list.)

All of these things influence a person’s mood and behavior. 

Yet, particularly in the Church, we may still be more comfortable discussing all the topics on this list openly among our Christian peers except for mental health. We’re scared of what it means to struggle with our thoughts/emotions. We still want to say things like “you can talk about a mental health struggle, but only to a certain extent. After that [ambiguous] limit, it must be a faith/strength of relationship with Jesus issue.” We make it about a flaw that should be easy to correct if our faith was strong enough, rather than accepting that a person can have a health issue and a strong faith at the same time. 

We sit with people in mental health therapy at our clinical counseling centers inside our church partners, and many times, especially shortly after we started doing this work with churches, clients would ask if we would be trying to pray away their problems or if we would be quoting scripture to them when they do something wrong.

Oof. Doesn’t just reading that deflate you? Can you imagine how much that would almost immediately breach trust with them and cause that person to lock themselves up, becoming very careful about what information they share in the future and what they don’t? And friend, please don’t get us wrong. There are so many times when the best thing we can do for someone is read scripture over them, to remind them of their strength and worth in Christ. To remind them what the Word says about who we are and what’s expected of us!

But not when it’s used as a weapon to force change and control behavior.

Weaponizing scripture in the past may be the reason why people feel they cannot be fully accepted in their church. Why they feel unsafe to talk about certain things or to seek prayer/pastoral counseling for what they are really struggling with. And what’s worse, statistics show that active Christians are much less likely to seek help for mental health concerns than those who are not actively involved in a church. And not because they do not struggle, but because they believe they shouldn’t struggle. So, they do it alone…or silently. 

Allowing space for people to dig into their beliefs and get to their own conclusions that making specific healthy changes in their life would walk themselves toward healing, toward living a fuller, more abundant life, THAT’S when change really does lead to lasting inner and outer healing. And who does that kind of space holding sound like to you? ‘Cause to me, that sounds like what Jesus does for us. Let's talk about how the Church can lead in changing this.

We Belong To You.

Did We Ever Share This With You?

Something occurred to us recently. There may be pieces of our story that we've never actually shared with you. Of course we know all the ins and outs and twists to how we've gotten to the place we are today, but it could be true that you don't actually know our entire journey to getting here.

For example, did you know that just before COVID, our church leaders did a survey of the community and discovered that regardless of faith identity or income level, the #1 place people know they can go to in time of need is the local Church? But that the 2nd to last place they knew where to go when needed was for mental health care.

Think about it... where would you start if you or a family member needed a therapist for the first time? 

You'd probably search the list of 200 providers on your insurance panel and take a shot in the dark, or you would have to reach out to a close friend and ask if they have a good counselor they've met with. OR you would go straight to your church and ask if they trust any good therapists. 

It's a little daunting. 

And even after all that, it may not be a good fit. So the process begins again. 

Even with all Our faults and history of sometimes making some not so great or even horrifying decisions, the Church remains a place people do trust when they are beginning their journey to healing. That's an amazing thing. 

That's a Jesus thing. 

That's because Jesus is the goodness. He is the healing we seek, whether we really know that or not. And His People have been and will always be the ones who mess things up from time to time. Sometimes in some really hurtful ways. 

But a beautiful part of God's intricate design of our need for community is that we are hurt in relationship... but we also heal in relationship. And we want you to know that we belong to you. 

Now imagine the Church actually being the one that is leading the way in providing best practices for mental health care. Offering clinical, ethical, professional,  beautiful mental health care to the community that is accessible to all people, not just the affluent. The Church is trauma-informed, relevant, and is filled with people who understand the incredible depth of the intertwinedness of our spiritual and mental health. 

And now Easter is upon us. Resurrection Sunday. 

And it got us thinking about how many little resurrections happen in that therapy room. Before you get worried we're going into some weird territory, read this:

from dictionary.com, the definition of "a resurrection" is "a rising again, as from decay, disuse. A revival."

We are not comparing Christ's resurrection power with "the little resurrections in the counseling room." But we are holding space for Christ's resurrection power in the counseling room....for Him to do whatever He wants to in there. For His Holy Spirit to be present, to hold you, to speak to you....to bring healing to you in a different sort of way. That what you experience is truly "a rising again." "A revival".

Jesus is the Good Counselor. Don't get that wrong.

And He uses trained, professional, safe therapists all day long to hold space and open up an incredibly intimate environment for his Holy Spirit power to cause Change, Healing, a Coming Back To Life in the lives of the clients we serve. 

Did you know that therapy is so incredibly healthy for your relationship with God? With others? With yourself?

Therapy is discipleship. 

You can access us for therapy any time you are ready. And we now have 4 partnership churches with 3 locations: Smyrna/Marietta, Buckhead, Lawrenceville, GA. Whenever you're ready, we can meet you online or in person. 

We belong to you.

Don’t put your faith in a New Year.

A New Year is not going to take away old problems or wash away old wounds.

A Savior will do that.

Therapy can help you learn how to be gentle with yourself in the process.

These were the first words Pastor Court Harkness at Cumberland Church in Smyrna, GA uttered when he began his sermon on New Years Day (I added the therapy portion). These words were striking for many reasons but in this context, mostly because it was also so true for the world of mental health as well.

Yes! We can make New Years resolutions and wholeheartedly plan to stick to them! YES! We can recommit ourself to working on goals, and growth, and ambition. Yes! We can use the new year as the perfect marker for starting something new! Of course, let’s do it!

But remember, a new year in and of itself isn’t going to solve anything. The heartache, the family dysfunction, the cycles of trauma/abuse/addiction, the failed relationships, the constant nagging feeling that you’re not good enough… that will all still be there until you plant yourself firmly in the ground and demand that things must change.

Pray. Talk to your gentle Father. Tell him what you’re ready to change, heal, fix. Seek his heart. Seek his word. Seek his truth and promises for YOU. And go get started in therapy.

The people who courageously decide that generational trauma/pain "ends with me," who decide to pursue personal growth and healing, who work to stop patterns of inflicting or receiving pain, and who work to become the best version of themselves- these are heroes. And a greater hero still- our good heavenly Father who is the one who DOES this transformative work.

“New year, new me”? Absolutely. But it may actually be “New Me in a couple or difficult, growing years.”

But you have to start somewhere to get there. So start now. In this New Year. And rest assured that it may not always be a “Happy” New Year, but it’ll be good. It’ll be powerful. It’ll be the year you chose yourself and those who will come after you. The year you allowed your face to be cupped sweetly by God who will walk closely beside you during your deep transformation.

Go get that.
Happy New Year!

Click our Make An Appointment link if you’re ready to begin with us at Cumberland Counseling. We’re ready for you.

Our Journey To Getting Here.

Phew! How is it already the end of the year?

Our counseling team at our Christmas party ‘22.

Every December the same shock and awe hits that 12 more months have gone by! If you're like me, it feels challenging to slow down in the midst of all of the holiday preparations, Christmas parties and family get-togethers. But what a beautiful time to pause and reflect on what God has done and also to look forward to this next year. At Cumberland Counseling Centers, we've been celebrating what has been accomplished so far in 2022, while also pondering how we can continue to dream with Him and partner with His heart to care for those around us. I am excited to humbly share how we have been doing just that - with His leadership and with your support - throughout this last year. You'll be receiving our 2022 Impact Report in January, but I couldn't wait to share a few highlights so far!

• Our therapy team has grown from 6 to 9 therapists this year.

• We added a new partial partner site at Image Church in Marietta.

• We gave away over $40,000 in counseling scholarships to our communities.

• We served over 308 clients in 2022.

Even more beautiful than these numbers and stats are the lives they represent - the ones who courageously decided that generational trauma/pain "ends with me," who decided to pursue personal growth and healing, who worked to stop patterns of inflicting or receiving pain, and who worked to become the best version of themselves. These are the ones we celebrate and honor, along with our good heavenly Father who truly does this transformative work.

We are so grateful we get to do this intimate, holy work and we thank you for your partnership in it. If you're considering where to invest a year-end gift, we hope you'll consider Cumberland Counseling Centers and all the individuals, families, couples and youth we serve.....

Thank you for linking arms with us in the process. We love you.

• Visit our site: CumberlandCenters.org

• Gospel-Centered therapy is who we are.

• Remember, it does not negate our need for Jesus to see a therapist - it gives more opportunity to be met by Him.

• Become a partner with us in this incredible work today. Donate HERE!

This is what Gospel-Centered therapy is.

As professional therapists who love the Lord, we are cultivating the ground for God’s seed to grow. Trauma, shame, and judgment fall like thorns and rocks on the ground. Therapy safely rakes, weeds and removes the thorns so that God’s seed can grow. Therapy is discipleship and relational evangelism. But it begins as simply providing a safe relationship and a secure attachment for our clients (often for the first time), much like how our relationship with Jesus begins.

Jesus is the Great Counselor - therapists are simply the conduit for his manifestation.

Last year Cumberland Counseling gave away $30,000 in scholarships to our clients of a lower income! We don’t turn anyone away just for finances.

We have a fundraiser coming up on Oct 8th so we can give away even more next year!

Watch this video below to hear why we have these fundraisers!

Will you partner with this incredible work in our community by donating or becoming a Sponsor of the event?

You can donate any amount, and we have lots of different sponsor levels, all with good marketing for you or your business!!

We are just over half way to our fundraising goal for this year and our 1-mile Fun Run & Fall Festival is coming up fast! Last year we gave away $30,000 and this year we plan to give away even more! Aren’t you excited to play a part in this incredible gift to our communities, at a time when mental health is top of mind for us all.

For example, $1000 covers ~14 clients in ongoing therapy. Here’s how you can Sponsor. We love bragging on God’s goodness through our generous Partners.

Sponsorship levels:

“Helper” is $250 (shout outs in person on race day, logo on our website and social media)

“Peacemaker” $500 (gets on our tshirts plus everything above)

“Reformer” $1000 (gets on our race day banner, plus everything above)

“Transformer” is $2000 (logo on our website for the entire year! Plus everything above)

Use the camera on a smart phone to scan the QR code below which will take you directly to the site on which you can register AND donate. And even if you can’t donate this year, don’t forget to register to come to the Fun Run and Fall Festival on Oct 8th from 3-5pm at Cumberland Community Church in Smyrna (live band, food trucks, bouncy houses, face painting, raffles!). You’ll get a free, super comfy t shirt too. See you there!

There are people who would come to counseling who would never step foot in a church. That’s why the church should be leading the way in providing therapy to the community. For some, grief and imbedded trauma blocks our ability to see God because the emotions are too powerful.

Surviving trauma is like sitting in a basement with the curtains drawn. The sun never went away but it’s really difficult to see because it’s buried.

A counselor holds intimate space for a person, hears their story, and eventually walks down the stairs to the basement with them, hand-in-hand, to help them courageously take that first step to re-open the curtains and live in the sun again.

And that’s what Gospel-Centered therapy is.

Become a partner with us in this incredible work today.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

Video: Cumberland Community Church Family Moment | Pastor Courtney Harkness w/ Alexandra Thompson, LCSW

Did you know that counseling is one of the healthiest things you can do for your mental health? And did you know that there is no total health unless you also include mental health?

Therapy is not:

1. passive.

2. a conversation with a friend.

3. a place where someone tells you what to do.

4. a venting sesh.

Therapy is:

1. active collaboration.

2. an intimate, completely non-judgmental therapeutic relationship with someone who helps you identify problems, set goals for yourself and monitors your progress.

3. for absolutely everyone, at times.

Designating one month out of the year to be Mental Health Awareness Month is important because it’s all about reducing any remaining stigma around treating your mental health. In fact, some Christians still believe that reaching out for therapy is communicating that Jesus isn't enough, as if God hasn't always used people to help carry out his plan for healing in our lives. Or that because we Biblically understand God as our Great Counselor, we shouldn’t need any other counselor. But if you think about it, we don’t tell our doctors we don’t need them because Jesus is our Divine Physician. We don’t tell our pastors we don’t need them because Jesus is our Good Shepherd, am I right?

A few of the foundations for self-control, an important Biblical principle, are self-awareness and self-care, topics we discuss in therapy. You see, it's not negating God's power to go to a therapist, it's giving you more opportunity to be confronted by it.

We believe that counseling is actually one of the most intimate forms of discipleship. Think about it! Discipleship is: loving people with intention, helping them grow and leading them into a deeper relationship with Jesus.

As we come to the end of Mental Health Awareness month, let’s flip that old script.

1. Let’s talk about how therapy is absolutely a sign that you are among the strongest people. And that therapy is, at times, for everyone. Including you.

2. Let’s encourage people to be fully healthy, both physically and mentally.

3. And let’s remind them of how therapy is intimate discipleship.

Do you know what Cumberland Counseling is all about? We help churches have on-site, fully functioning, Clinical Mental Health Centers at their communities’ fingertips. Our counseling services are designed to not just serve Church-goers, but all community members! And though our sessions are self-pay the way any community mental health center would be, we do offer a sliding scale fee so that we don't turn people away just for income.

Reach out so we can come together. Let's draw more awareness to our mental health this month and all year long!

Warmly,

Cumberland Counseling Team

Someone will always have it worse than you.

Hello Friend,

Are you familiar with Survivors’ Guilt? It’s when feelings of guilt arise because you made it through something very difficult or traumatic that others were more negatively affected by. We all know the idea of “surviving a car crash when the passenger did not.” Or “beating the very same form of cancer that your family member or friend did not.” This is how most of us relate to Survivor’s Guilt.

But did you know that Survivors’ Guilt can creep up in more subtle ways? You might even be feeling some Survivors’ Guilt right now – in our current political climate.

Subtle Forms of Survivors’ Guilt:

1. In the event that you survived ongoing family trauma - perhaps your sibling outwardly struggles much harder than you do. Maybe the sibling now struggles with mental health issues, addiction, life-stability issues or ongoing relationship difficulties.

2. Believing that you are not allowed to grieve or process going through a hard time simply because someone will always have it worse than you.

Allow me to share a story from this second example above. I’ll set the stage.

It’s a Monday morning. I’m rushed. My three year old is acting, well, three years old. I somehow arrive at my office with no laptop OR cell phone. It works out because I’m in in-person meetings most of the morning. One meeting happens to be a working lunch and I offer to pick up the delicious Chick-fil-A we chose to accompany our time together. Driving back I somehowforget to “mom-seatbelt” the meal I had sitting on the seat next to me as I brake for a red light. The entire contents of my colleague’s diet lemonade spill onto my car’s floorboard (I mean, not a drop left). Other things go flying into the puddle.

I arrive at the meeting, late. I am a hot mess. I proceed to share with my colleagues the Monday morning I’ve had so far with a final punctuation of “I mean, isn’t that a pretty terrible Monday?” There was laughter and empathy. But then the gentle remark came out: “but given the circumstances in Ukraine right now, I should have nothing to complain about.”

Friend. That statement is equally true and wrong.

It’s terrible what is happening in Ukraine. Full stop.

We mourn, lament, cry out and plead with God to protect His people and let justice rain.

And friend. Your grief, your pain, the wounds you are working so hard on healing are still valid. Your pain is still real. Yes, someone will always have it worse than you. And that doesn’t mean that what you are going through isn’t also hard.

A simple example I give in counseling sometimes is this: If you and a friend were in the same car accident and as a result, you lost a foot and they lost their leg, well, you still lost your foot.

Focus on sincere gratitude. Mourn and pray for others. Invest in your own healing.

We’d love to hear your thoughts about this timely and perhaps controversial subject. Email a reply to this letter any time. And if this felt like a tap on the shoulder to invest in your own healing, visit our website and get started with one of our therapists any time.

Warmly,

Alexandra Thompson, LCSW, and the Cumberland Counseling Team

Are you experiencing heightened stress? | Ukraine

"Take a deep breath. Let it out. What did you notice?"

This is something we say a lot when doing EMDR trauma work with our clients. As we process together in therapy the big, painful moments that have occurred throughout a client's life (that when processed alone and incorrectly can lead to anxiety, depression, even PTSD), it's a required part of the EMDR treatment to briefly stop, take a breath and just notice what's coming up.

More on EMDR later, but first - we wanted to take a moment and connect with you on how you may be feeling about the crisis in Ukraine.

Take a breath. What are you noticing?

Goodness, we've already been trudging through the incessant outcomes from a global pandemic together. For many of us, the crisis in Ukraine may add another layer of instability, fear, stress, anxiety...weight. We get that. And whatever it is you may be feeling is completely validated.

Here are a few simple tips - if you haven't considered them yet - that could be helpful to apply now.

1. Limit your media and social media consumption. Really.

2. Talk to someone who is like-minded enough to understand your concerns but who is not so like-minded that they may send you spiraling. A counselor would absolutely be a great person to talk to.

3. Give to an organization that already has boots on the ground.

4. Remember your three Circles of Control:

Things you can control:

• Time I carve out for self-care

• The way I choose to spend my time

• Communicating my needs

• How I vote
  

Things you can influence:

• My family, my children and my relationships

• My health, working hours and priorities

• The general "mood" in my environment

Things you cannot control:

• What others think about me

• What others do and say

• Other people's feelings and how they behave

• Natural disasters and foreign policy

Try to spend the majority of your time focusing on what you can control and what you can influence. Focus on how you are keeping your home emotionally and physically safe. On how you're staying present with your children when/if they have questions come up about the crisis Ukraine is facing now.

And if you can, put the rest away. I know it's a privilege to be able to do that, and that's okay.

Lastly, if you're noticing that it feels impossible to put the rest away, that you're feeling glued to the overwhelming flood of information or to the fear of the potential outcome of this crisis, I want you to look into where that might be coming from. Is it a past trauma you experienced? Is it a wound? Is it a message you received early on that comes up now, leading to a specific core belief about yourself or the world around you?

Maybe EMDR therapy is right for you!

EMDR therapy is a beautiful form of treatment which allows you to isolate and hold a disturbing memory in your mind (and really- a series of memories usually), processing together what's happening in your mind, until the disturbance is gone. This can take a while or this can be relatively quick. We'd love to work with you in this way or with the more traditional talk therapy.

Reach out any time: cumberlandcenters.org

Warmly,

Alexandra Thompson, LCSW, and the Cumberland Counseling Team

Valentine’s Day and Your Emotions

Can I share a story with you?

As I was closing out a typical therapy session with one of my clients and scheduling ahead for our following session, we looked all the way out to Monday, Feb. 14th, cross-checking both calendars and having some difficulty landing on the next best day for us to meet together within the next couple of weeks.

"Does this same time work for you on Feb. 14th?” I asked.

She grinned while continuing to look down and said, "Will you even be working that day, married lady?"

I looked up at her, blinking. I didn't immediately understand what she was referring to. "That's Valentine's Day, married lady. Will you be working at that time?"

We laughed together briefly; I made a joke and so did she. Ultimately, yes, we decided to meet in the late afternoon of Valentine’s Day for our next session.

Can I be honest with you though? It hadn't even occurred to me that people sometimes take that day off or part of the day off to celebrate Valentine's Day with their loved one. 

For many people, Valentine's Day can bring up a whole host of emotions depending on their circumstances. The symbol of Valentine's Day for this client is quite possibly very different than the Valentine's Day symbol for me. A longing, a grief, even a question of worthiness for one; a certainty, a celebration, an annual routine for another. You see, this red and pink holiday can be so much more than just a time when stores fill up with candy hearts, bouquets of red roses and red velvet cakes- galore.

We want to acknowledge that there's so much more than a simple dichotomy of married people or single people and their responses to this holiday. We want to hold space for people who find themselves unhappily married or in abusive marriages. Those who lost their spouse. Those who are grieving a relational loss or even those who long for children. If you're longing for children, cutesy Valentine's Day themed supermarkets bring up images of kitchen table crafts for little ones to exchange with their buddies and budding love-interests at school some day. Ugh, the gut punch.

Our romantic histories, our childhood trauma or family of origin, or even our current relationship status or longings can all impact how we relate to Valentine's Day. This upcoming holiday, which is already plastered all over the Targets and Walmarts in your town, can bring on a variety of emotions.

To name a few:

• Affection

• Admiration

• Arousal

• Longing

• Insignificance

• Grief

• Sadness

• Hopelessness

What do you feel when you think of Valentine's Day?

And remember, your emotions are like lights on the dashboard of your car.They are simply there to let you know something is going on beneath your surface that needs a little of your time and energy to take care of. Are your lights on on your dashboard? Would counseling sessions with a trained therapist help you sort some of those things out? If you think therapy could help you in this season, reach out any time by calling 678-653-2859 or visiting our counseling website and clicking "Make An Appointment." We’re ready for you.

Warmly,

Alexandra Thompson and the Cumberland Counseling Team

2021 Impact

"What can we do to help our community?" the Church often asks. We believe the answer in our day and age is this: to offer easy access to quality mental health care. That's what we at Cumberland Counseling Centers are called to do. But it doesn't happen through us alone. We're so grateful for the many people who have come alongside and are supporting this vision. Because of them, we were able to provide $30K in scholarship money in 2021 to our clients who would not be able to afford quality mental health care on their own. Last year we also launched our 2nd counseling site at GateCity Church in Lawrenceville, GA, enabling us to serve 118 clients at that site alone in its first year. This is only the beginning!

How’s Your Thinking?

2021 might have been a gift for us in some ways. Wait, hear me out on this. It was the year we slowly and gently got back on our feet. It was the year we realized this horrid COVID has not yet gone away. And the year we learned, or maybe just stepped into, our resilience. 

2021 was oh so hard, and for many of us, we may accidentally make it harder on ourself by stumbling into a habit of distorted thinking. [Raising my hand over here!]

Check out these examples of distorted thinking:

1. "2021 was just as bad, if not worse, than 2020. My life will never get better." (Fortune-Telling)

2. "I lost a job that I loved due to freaking COVID. All other jobs suck and I'll never enjoy work again." (All or Nothing Thinking)

3. "These past two years hit me really hard and I can't get out of my slump. I'm a failure." (Labeling)

4. I've had to be much more cautious than my friends and family members because of COVID. Everyone thinks I'm crazy and won't want to continue being my friend after this." (Mind Reading)

Have you struggled with any of these types of thought distortions?

Thought distortions are unhelpful habitual ways of thinking that are more times than not - false. They usually have a negative bias and leave your body feeling...yuck. Whether we realize it or not, our bodies carry the emotional impact of our thoughts. For example, have you ever felt rejected by a friend or colleague and later noticed a punched-in-the-gut feeling that lasted all day? Or after realizing you made a mistake on an important assignment, that feeling of failure registers in your body like a tightness in your chest or burning ears. Our bodies, minds and emotions are all intertwined and it's important to remember that.

What you think and how you feel will show up in your body.

So as we move forward in this new year, keep an eye on any thought distortions you might be having. Just take note of them. Then, try speaking a little truth into them.

Let's try that again:

1. "2021 was pretty terrible for a lot of legitimate reasons. I can be hopeful that 2022 will be marginally better and remind myself of my resilience when/if things get difficult again."

2. "It's a huge loss that I lost a job I really loved. And I know that if I really enjoyed a job once, there will be another that I can enjoy in the future. I just need to keep pursuing."

3. "Just because these last two years hit me hard doesn't mean I’m a failure. I can always start again, and even learn from what worked and what didn't work well for me."

4. ~Your turn. Try to change this distortion from above into a much kinder, more accurate thought.~

Friend, 2022 may be your best year yet.

May it be filled with Jesus and healing. And if you think therapy could help you in this season, reach out any time by calling 678-653-2859 or visiting our counseling website and tapping "Make An Appointment." We are ready for you!

Warmly,

Alexandra Thompson and Cumberland Counseling Team

Celebrate Your Wins!

Hello dear friends!

We hope your New Year is off to a good start. You know, a “good start” in 2022 may look different than previous years. In fact, we bet it does. Maybe you’re grieving a loss from 2021, or even 2020. Maybe you rang in the New Year with an unwelcome guest they call Omicron. Maybe you’re facing some other challenges in 2022. When you’re feeling less than confident about what’s ahead of you, one way to encourage yourself is to look back on what went well or what you can be grateful for, even if it’s something small. Celebrating small wins can make a huge difference. Think about the ways you grew in 2021. Just making it to 2022 is something we can all be thankful for, right?

As we looked back on the previous year we were amazed at the growth that took place, not just in individual lives, but as an organization. Truly it was a pivotal year for Cumberland Counseling. Here are some highlights from 2021 that we are oh, so grateful for.

1. Cumberland Counseling became Cumberland Counseling Centers, a nonprofit designed to meet the mental health needs of the community, regardless of income, by partnering with local churches. These partnerships allow us to keep overhead low so our impact and financial support for quality mental health care for all can remain high.

2. We opened up an additional location in Lawrenceville, GA, out of Gate City Church, where we can now serve the surrounding Lawrenceville area's mental health needs as well as offer hope, counsel, restoration and education to Gate City Church and the surrounding community.

3. We had our first Online Mental Health Conference called "Addressing the Elephants," where we spoke to issues like Passing Down Generational Parenting, Raising a Teen with Big Emotions, Healthy Sexuality and a Panel Discussion with our Counselors on Family Mental Health. Due to the online nature of our gathering, we were able to serve and get to know members of both communities (surrounding Smyrna and surrounding Lawrenceville).

4. We got to lead Mental Health 101 classes in both church communitiesas well as publicly to Cobb County through the Cobb Collaborative, AND got to know several faith leaders in Cobb County as we welcomed them in for a Faith and Mental Health Luncheon hosted at our Smyrna campus. 

5. We had our first annual Fun Run Fundraiser Event and raised approximately $23,000 to go toward supplements for our clients who could not ordinarily afford the same high quality of mental health therapy. Can we hear an “Amen?!”

6. Through the slow, intimate work that happens in therapy sessions we've seen lives, families, and relationships restored. Amen, amen and amen! This is why we do this work. We are honored to sit with these incredibly resilient people who want to know and love themselves, their people and their God more so they can pass that healing on to future generations. This work is generational, transformative work.

Why don’t you take a few minutes to count your wins from 2021? Then congratulate yourself for the progress you made. 

After all it’s PROGRESS, not PERFECTION, that makes the difference. 

We celebrate alongside you and look forward to all the growth that will come in 2022!

Warmly,

Alexandra Thompson and the Cumberland Counseling Team