IFS Therapy: Embracing the Parts of Yourself for Emotional Healing

Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy is an innovative therapeutic model that encourages individuals to explore and harmonize the various “parts” of themselves. By fostering self-awareness and emotional healing, IFS helps clients achieve a balanced internal state. This approach posits that our psyche is made up of different "parts," each with its own feelings, thoughts, and roles, and that these parts can sometimes conflict with one another.

The IFS Approach

In IFS therapy, clients learn to identify these internal voices or “parts,” which may represent various emotions, beliefs, or experiences. For instance, one part might embody fear, while another might represent confidence. By recognizing and understanding these parts, clients can develop a more compassionate relationship with themselves. This process promotes healing by allowing individuals to address inner conflicts and create a sense of internal harmony.

A significant aspect of IFS is the idea of the "Self," which is the core of a person’s being. The Self is characterized by qualities such as compassion, curiosity, and calmness. The goal of IFS therapy is to help clients access their Self and enable it to lead their internal family of parts, thereby facilitating healing and integration.

Why IFS is Effective

IFS has proven effective for various issues, including anxiety, depression, and relationship challenges. By focusing on self-discovery and understanding, clients often find new ways to cope with their emotions and foster healthier relationships with themselves and others. The therapy not only addresses symptoms but also delves into the root causes of emotional distress, allowing for profound personal transformation.

A Personal Journey with IFS

To illustrate the impact of IFS, consider the story of [Jessica], a 40-year-old woman who struggled with anxiety and feelings of unworthiness throughout her adult life. Despite her professional success and supportive relationships, Jessica often felt overwhelmed by an inner critic that told her she was never good enough. This inner voice frequently led her to doubt her decisions and avoid new opportunities, further entrenching her anxiety.

When Jessica sought therapy, she was introduced to IFS. At first, she was skeptical; how could talking to different parts of herself help her feel better? However, as she began to engage in the IFS process, she discovered that her anxiety stemmed from a young part of herself—her "inner child." This part was rooted in childhood experiences where Jessica felt neglected and unvalued, leading her to develop a harsh inner critic to protect herself from further emotional pain.

Through IFS sessions, Jessica learned to communicate with her inner child, acknowledging its fears and needs. She discovered that this part was merely trying to keep her safe but often did so in unhelpful ways. With the guidance of her IFS therapist, Jessica started to cultivate a compassionate dialogue with her inner child, reassuring it that it was safe to express its feelings and that she was now in a position to provide the love and support it craved.

As Jessica continued her IFS journey, she also uncovered another part of herself—her "achiever," which pushed her to work hard and succeed. Initially, this part had been beneficial, motivating her to strive for her goals. However, as Jessica recognized, it had also contributed to her feelings of anxiety and perfectionism. By fostering a relationship between her inner child and her achiever, Jessica was able to help them understand each other, leading to a more balanced approach to her ambitions and self-worth.

Over time, Jessica reported feeling a significant decrease in her anxiety levels. By embracing and integrating these parts of herself, she learned to recognize when her inner critic emerged and how to respond with kindness rather than harshness. This newfound self-compassion allowed Jessica to take on new challenges with a sense of calm and confidence.

Conclusion

If you’re ready to explore the different aspects of your identity and work towards emotional balance, our therapists at Cumberland Counseling Centers are trained in IFS and are here to support you through the transformative journey of that therapy process. Like Jessica, you can discover the power of understanding and harmonizing your internal parts, leading to profound healing and a more fulfilling life. By embracing the various aspects of yourself, you can cultivate a deeper sense of self-awareness and compassion, paving the way for a healthier relationship with yourself and others.

Take the first step on your journey today; the parts of you are waiting to be heard and understood.

Grief, Your Emotions, and Not Knowing Where To Begin

How can we deal with grief in a way that is healthy and that may actually lead to a transformation of our character and our faith?

The first step is not to minimize our feelings of anger, sadness, and pain.

We may try to push them aside or deny they are even there, but in reality, these feelings are just buried alive and will come out at a time and in a manner that is much more detrimental and explosive than if we had acknowledged them in the first place. We need to own our feelings, express them, and not be ashamed of them.

The next step is to understand and accept our limits.

Contrary to what culture would have us believe, we are not in control. Our lives are seriously limited by our physical body and health, by the family we were born into, by our intellectual capacity, and, most of all, by our spiritual understanding. Men and women in our culture are led to believe that they have control and that they understand everything, but we have to know that some things will remain a mystery. Some things just won’t turn out how you imagined, expected, were encouraged early on that they would. And that’s so unpleasant and uncomfortable to sit with.

Grief is not just the big losses: the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, etc. Grief is also the loss of the life you expected you’d have. The loss of a skill or strength you once had. Even the loss of who you once were.

Once we understand our limits and the fact that loss and death are part of our lives, we can get to work on the most important step: letting our grief bless us.

Did that last sentence just turn your stomach? I know. I get it.

But our grief is there to be a powerful friend. A reminder to ourselves of what matters, what gives life, what offends, what is most important. If we let it, yes, grief can be a blessing and a friend.

So if you find yourself in a life transition or a situation where you are now recognizing the grief that is causing the discomfort, try opening yourself up to the idea of grief counseling. And if you are concerned that you won’t know where to begin in grief counseling - whether for the loss of your whole world, or for the loss of something ambiguous or hidden in the secret places within yourself - remember that your therapist can help you with where to begin.

Your counseling session is your own. You don’t need to feel insecure or pressured to know exactly what you want to talk about right off the bat in counseling. Your therapist can handle whatever it is you want to process and work through, and can even help you define your therapeutic goals.

Or, maybe you’re just feeling strange because you’re not really an external processor but you know you need to process your trauma. We are there to help with that. We can sit with your silence and we are strong enough to hold your labyrinth of thoughts. That’s our job. And it’s a privilege to sit with you in your intimate healing.

Be gentle with yourself and lean into us therapists during your journey.

And PS: I’ve heard from some of our shyer clients that it can help to meet virtually with a therapist because there isn’t as much perceived pressure to fulfill certain social obligations. Maybe try an online session and see if that frees you up a bit. We’ll be ready to greet you on your way in through our doors. Let’s get started.