Breaking Free from Perfectionism
Photo by David Pisnoy on Unsplash
If I’m being honest, perfectionism has been a struggle for me for much of my life. The desire to appear—or actually be—perfect, coupled with the belief that perfection is somehow attainable, has shaped much of my life. And, even as I read that sentence back to myself, I can’t help but chuckle. We all know perfection is impossible, right?
But here’s the thing—what’s wrong with aiming for perfection in the first place? Isn’t it a good thing to want to be the best version of yourself, to meet your goals, and to make others happy? Well, yes—and no.
The Difference Between Healthy Striving and Perfectionism
To truly understand the problem with perfectionism, we need to look inward and ask ourselves: What’s motivating me? The drive to be perfect often stems from a desire to protect ourselves from shame, rejection, blame, or judgment. As Brene Brown aptly puts it, “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfection is not about healthy achievement and growth.” In fact, perfectionism is often fear-based, driven by the question: What will people think?
On the flip side, healthy striving towards growth, improvement, and success is motivated by love. This kind of motivation allows us to walk in our God-given potential, honors our boundaries, and is respectful of both our desires and the needs of others—without being dependent on their affirmation.
So How Do We Embrace Healthy Striving?
1. Acknowledge Mistakes & Limitations
The first step to freeing ourselves from perfectionism is to recognize and accept our mistakes and limitations with humility. It’s okay to be imperfect—it’s part of being human.
2. Set Realistic Goals
Setting goals that are achievable and grounded in reality can help us avoid the trap of perfectionism. Big dreams are great, but they need to be broken down into manageable steps. This approach encourages growth without overwhelming us.
3. Challenge Perfectionistic Thoughts
When perfectionistic thoughts arise, we can actively challenge them. Recognize them for what they are—fear-driven thoughts that attempt to control your actions and emotions. Take them captive and remind yourself that you don’t have to be perfect to be loved or worthy.
4. Face Your Fear of Imperfection
One of the most practical ways to battle perfectionism is to intentionally embrace imperfection. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Leave a grammar mistake in an email. Skip the makeup or leave your room messy sometimes. It’s uncomfortable at first, but with time you’ll realize that the world won’t come crashing down—and the consequences you feared rarely happen.
5. Ask God to Ground You in His Love
Ultimately, we can’t overcome perfectionism through willpower alone. We need God’s help. Ask Him to remind you daily that His love is unconditional. Resting in His love frees us from the need to perform in order to be accepted.
What God Teaches Us About Perfectionism
As Christians, we’re called to walk in holiness and faithfulness—but without love, all our efforts are meaningless. Jesus warns us about the dangers of outward appearances in Matthew 23:27, saying, “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.” In other words, we can look perfect on the outside but be spiritually dead on the inside if our motivations aren’t rooted in love.
The beauty of the gospel is that God doesn’t require perfection. He’s made us new through Christ and calls us to live in His love. Only when we are secure in His love can we truly experience freedom from the pressure of perfectionism. His acceptance is not based on how flawless we are, but on the love He has already lavished on us.
The Freedom to Strive with Healthy Motivation
Friends, let’s embrace God’s love and walk in the freedom He offers. We don’t have to perform to earn His approval. Instead, we are invited to grow, learn, and strive with the motivation of love—to be the people He created us to be.
In the end, healthy striving doesn’t come from a place of fear or perfectionism. It comes from a deep security in God’s love, knowing that our identity is not tied to how well we perform but to who we are as beloved sons and daughters of God.
Let’s let go of the chains of perfectionism and step boldly into the freedom and purpose God has for us. We’re not called to be perfect—we’re called to be faithful. And that’s enough.
