When Love Feels Hard: How Marriage Counseling Helps You Pursue Each Other Again
“He won’t leave you alone. He loves you too much for that.”
My pastor spoke these words on Sunday morning, referring to God’s relentless mercy and grace, even when we try to run away.
That quote might feel familiar if you’re in a difficult season of marriage. Maybe you’re feeling disconnected, emotionally worn down, or unsure of how to move forward. At Cumberland Counseling Centers, we provide Christian marriage counseling for couples who still love each other, but don’t know how to reconnect.
Whether you’re navigating years of broken communication or struggling with mismatched attachment styles, you’re not alone. Our therapeutic approach helps couples find their way back to one another through honesty, healing, and hope. I can imagine this resonates deeply with couples who feel worn out and emotionally distant, yet still find themselves showing up, even if barely. Sometimes love isn’t loud or romantic. It’s showing up again and again, even when you feel misunderstood, stuck, or scared. But here’s a truth we don’t talk about enough:
In order for healing to happen, both partners have to want to pursue each other.
Relentless Pursuit Requires Two Willing Hearts
God pursues us relentlessly, but He also gives us the dignity of choice. In marriage, the same principle applies: both partners must choose, day by day, to move toward each other with humility and hope. When only one person is trying, the weight becomes unbearable.
This is especially hard in relationships where attachment styles clash.
A dismissive-avoidant partner may pull away, shut down, or stay emotionally detached to avoid vulnerability.
Meanwhile, an anxiously-attached partner may escalate, chase, or try harder, often feeling rejected or desperate in the process.
Even securely attached individuals can feel worn down and confused if their partner consistently avoids or minimizes emotional connection.
This cycle can become demoralizing, leaving one or both partners feeling like they're failing, even when they’re giving everything they’ve got.
So What Does Pursuit Look Like?
Pursuing one another in love doesn’t mean grand gestures or perfection. It means small, consistent movements toward each other. Here are a few baby steps to look out for, signs that your partner is willing to do the work:
Responding to a bid for connection (eye contact, a question, a vulnerable moment)
Willingness to attend counseling, even if they’re unsure
Owning their part in conflict without defensiveness
Apologizing with sincerity, not just obligation
Initiating conversations, affection, or quality time
Being open to feedback and small changes in behavior
These steps may seem small, but they are the beginnings of relational repair. They signal hope. They say, I still want this.
When Is It Time to Let Go?
This is one of the hardest questions in marriage counseling. And the truth is, no one but you, your partner, and the Lord can answer that. Every story is unique.
But this we know:
Before you make that decision, fight as hard as you can…together. Fight with honesty. With boundaries. With therapy. With community. With prayer.
But also remember this:
Staying in a marriage should never mean staying in abuse, neglect, or repeated betrayal. If there’s no movement, no care, no shared responsibility, it may be time to reevaluate. God does not call you to stay in situations that harm the person He created you to be.
God’s Love Is Relentless. Even When Human Love Falls Short
Whether your marriage survives or not, God’s love for you remains unwavering. He will never stop pursuing your heart. Your identity is not defined by the success or failure of your relationship. He is after your healing, your wholeness, and your return to Him—again and again.
And in that relentless love, we find our example.
If you're ready to begin again…together, let us help.
Marriage counseling at Cumberland is a safe place to process, rebuild, and rediscover what love rooted in truth and grace can look like. Whether you’re just starting to feel disconnected or facing what feels like the end, our counselors are here for you.
The Benefits of Gottman Therapy for Couples: Building Stronger, Healthier Relationships
At Cumberland Counseling Centers, we understand that relationships are complex and require ongoing care and attention. That’s why we utilize the Gottman Method in our couples therapy to help partners build stronger, healthier relationships that stand the test of time. Rooted in over 40 years of research by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this evidence-based approach is designed to strengthen emotional connection, improve communication, and deepen intimacy. Here, we’ll explore the benefits of Gottman therapy and how our approach fosters lasting results for couples.
What is the Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method is a structured, goal-oriented therapy that helps couples develop practical skills to navigate the challenges of their relationship. It focuses on building the "Sound Relationship House," which is a framework of essential components for healthy relationships, including:
Building Love Maps: Gaining a deeper understanding of each other’s inner worlds, dreams, and fears.
Sharing Fondness and Admiration: Cultivating respect and appreciation for each other.
Turning Toward Instead of Away: Strengthening emotional bonds by responding to bids for connection.
Managing Conflict: Learning how to address disagreements constructively.
Creating Shared Meaning: Developing a sense of purpose and shared values within the relationship.
The Benefits of Gottman Therapy
Improved Communication One of the core aspects of the Gottman Method is helping couples communicate effectively. Many relationships struggle with misunderstandings, defensiveness, or criticism, which can create distance between partners. Gottman therapy provides tools and strategies to help couples:
Express their needs and feelings openly.
Listen to each other with empathy and understanding.
Resolve conflicts without escalating into unproductive arguments.
2. Strengthened Emotional Connection Over time, relationships can lose their emotional intimacy. Gottman therapy focuses on rebuilding and maintaining that connection by:
Encouraging positive interactions and affirmations.
Teaching couples how to show appreciation and gratitude regularly.
Helping partners understand each other’s emotional needs.
3. Effective Conflict Resolution Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but it doesn’t have to lead to disconnection. Gottman therapy equips couples with the skills to:
De-escalate tension and avoid destructive patterns like criticism or contempt.
Approach disagreements with a problem-solving mindset.
Address recurring issues through compromise and mutual understanding.
Increased Resilience The Gottman Method helps couples build resilience by identifying and addressing potential vulnerabilities in their relationship. This proactive approach ensures that couples are better prepared to navigate future challenges together.
Renewed Commitment and Shared Goals Couples often leave Gottman therapy with a renewed sense of commitment to their relationship and a clearer vision of their shared goals. Whether it’s creating a family, pursuing personal dreams, or simply enjoying life together, the Gottman Method helps partners align their values and aspirations.
How We Use the Gottman Method at Cumberland Counseling Centers
At Cumberland Counseling Centers, our therapists are trained in the Gottman Method and tailor the approach to meet the unique needs of each couple. During therapy sessions, we:
Conduct a comprehensive relationship assessment to understand the dynamics and challenges of your relationship.
Develop personalized strategies to address specific concerns and goals.
Use evidence-based exercises and tools to help couples practice and reinforce healthy relationship skills.
Provide ongoing support and guidance to ensure lasting progress.
Lasting Results for Couples
The Gottman Method has been proven to help couples create lasting change in their relationships. By focusing on practical skills and fostering emotional intimacy, our approach helps couples not only overcome current challenges but also build a solid foundation for the future. At Cumberland Counseling Centers, we are committed to helping couples strengthen their bond and experience the joy of a healthy, thriving relationship.
If you and your partner are ready to take the next step in your relationship, we invite you to schedule a consultation with one of our skilled therapists. Together, we can help you build a stronger, more fulfilling partnership through the Gottman Method.