Let’s talk about…attachment.
Written by: Andrea Paiva, Licensed Associate Professional Counselor
One of the follow up questions I get asked when telling people what I do for a living is “what made you want to get into that?” I normally have a moment of pause and inner dialogue. Hmm…how much should I share? It’s always fun to be two minutes into a conversation with someone new or a big group of people and all of the sudden I am sharing my life’s testimony of inner healing. Truly, I never mind it. It’s a joy to share what God has done. Some variation of how I was someone who lived with hopelessness, depression, anxiety, and low self esteem, and then Christ, along with the community of believers and therapy helped me to heal emotionally and spiritually. I always add, “How could I experience this healing and not share this hope with others?” It’s the greatest joy to walk in my God-given purpose as a mental health counselor.
It’s so like Him to use our greatest areas of suffering and make it into our ministry to others.
A lot like my own story, healing often happens when we have corrective emotional experiences with others. When the brain has a moment and says, oh, I thought things were this way, but this new experience is allowing me to see things differently. For me, my relationship with God, with the body of believers and with my therapist was pivotal. In the context of counseling, the therapeutic relationship between client and therapist (the attachment) is the greatest predictor of change and healing. To put it plainly, relationships are empowering. Whereas, trauma produces a sense of powerlessness within us.
1 Corinthians 13:3 highlights the importance of faith, hope and love in our walk with the Lord. These are the very things that trauma steals from people. It distorts the very vision of the person where it’s difficult to see how hope can come in once again. It warps the way we view ourselves, God, others and the world. Trauma seeks to isolate us. In that void, dark and alone, Is the breeding ground for the voices in our head to whisper “You’re all alone,” “Something is wrong with you,” “This is all your fault.” Where trauma paralyzes us, faith, hope and love empower us to move forward. When we are unable to hold that kind of hope, our therapist can, our community can, God can.
2 Corinthians 1:4 states, “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”
As therapists, we get to play the role of new attachment figures for our clients. Having experienced the comfort that we receive from God as His children, we get to provide that comfort back to our clients in the context of the therapeutic relationship.
Attachment is a psychology term that means the emotional bond between a human and its parent figure or caregiver; it is developed as a step in establishing a feeling of security and demonstrated by calmness while in the parent's or caregiver's presence.
Unfortunately, not all of us got to experience that kind of attachment from our caregivers growing up.
To some of us, it’s the most foreign thing we could imagine.
Forming this secure attachment with our clients in their suffering and pouring out the comfort God has given to us is an honor. To sit across from our clients in their most vulnerable moments and hold on to hope when their hope has been shattered makes this really sacred work. The psychology phrase “unconditional positive regard” is one of the skills that makes a therapist great and leads to the best outcomes for their clients. It’s the same unconditional love that God gives us, right in the middle of where we are, no matter what we’ve done, and who we’ve been that is healing. This kind of love says, “I see you, I believe in you and I’m not going anywhere.” This is attachment. This is empowering. Where trauma sought to disempower and discourage, this new relationship between client and therapist has the ability to restore faith, hope and love as God had originally intended in the beginning.
In my own experience, as a therapist who works with trauma, seeing my clients recognize when trauma memories no longer have a hold on them, seeing them no longer live with distorted thoughts of themselves and watching them walk in new found freedom is one of my favorite parts of this work. I couldn’t imagine doing anything else!
Written by: Andrea Paiva, Licensed Associate Professional Counselor