Let’s Talk About…Our Self-Talk

One thing we work on often in therapy is noticing the inner critic, and greeting her with curiosity (I’m using “her” just because it's coming from my point of view. While you read this as a male, change the hers for hims, etc.)

For some, curiosity might sound like asking yourself:

Where is this coming from?

What does she want me to be aware of?

How can I offer grace to myself here?

Criticism feels an awful lot like inner turbulence and may even sound like things you would never say to a friend or loved one.

Things like:

I’m such an idiot, I can’t believe I did that again.

God, I hate myself.

This is why I suck.

This is why no one will ever love me.

Whew.

Could you imagine ever saying these things to someone you love? And certainly if you can, that’s a pretty big indication that that relationship is likely not healthy or safe. That’s pretty big: realizing our self talk can be an indication that our relationship with ourselves may not be healthy or safe. If that’s true, it would make a lot of sense that you may often feel like you’re struggling.

You are the one and only you that you are ever going to have. It’s so important that we speak to ourselves and let our inner dialogue/self talk sound like we are speaking to a friend. No one will be as close to you as you are, so it’s important to make sure that relationship is kind, healthy, and fortified.

Greet yourself, your flaws, your inner critic with curiosity rather than criticism next time and see how that might begin to change the relationship you have with yourself. This adjustment will take time, and it may not feel genuine at the beginning. That’s okay- you’re healing a hurting relationship.

Go slow.

Give grace.

Keep going.

And reach to get started in counseling if you’re looking for help!